A year later

  When I found out about my diabetes last June. I never in a million years thought that my whole life would have to go through change. Yes , I knew eating habits would change even weight due to meds would, but never did I think it would become a life of change. With me, I know not everyone has this, but a lot do. My liver is struggling, my kidneys are over working and life has changed! At work I have never been the type of person that was resistant to change, that RC factor was around all the time and I always felt like I held on and went with it. Boy OH Boy !  I feel like I have aged 20 yrs in the past year.

20161118_103900

I started walking, I really loved it, now I fight to walk, my neuropathy kills my feet and fingers and the walking has become painful. I just want to cry, because I loved it so. My daughter and I were walking every night. My husband was walking with me, I felt like the wind was pushing me forward, now I feel like it’s throwing me back, making me bow my head to it every mile I get.

pushing forward

Yesterday I had a liver biopsy, yes they are looking for cancer, it’s sad but I will be happy if it comes back cirrhosis of the liver, how sad is that ? To wish something bad over something bad. This has become me………..? I always told myself that I would never let this get me, but I did. I let it take control, take my dreams and even at a point I think I let it take my soul.  I think I even blamed God, hubby and anyone else that came to mind. The only person I didn’t blame was me! I’m the one who hadn’t taken care of myself. I’m the one who loved the fried chicken and licked those fingers to the bone. I’m the one who after my brain tumor was told to take care of yourself and decided I knew it all and could get over anything just bring it on, I’m the one who people said Sherry I don’t think I could take it as well as you, I don’t think I could handle this as well as you are. Well, I ain’t !!!! I’m worried, I’m sad and at times wish I could just blow away with that wind. but then I look at these.

DSCN0374

I’m not adding sunny shine yet, I really just wanted to cry!!!!!!!  and I did………. a lot…..not the Oh poor poor me kind, but the… where the hell is the girl from last year, where did I leave that person behind……I can’t answer it, I don’t know. I think she is gone. I really think all this has changed me to the point that the woman from last year has left the building….. Now how do I handle this new shell, I don’t feel as strong, I don’t feel like I can take the bull by the horns anymore, I have become someone I don’t want to be! A year has changed me so much that I don’t know me. I found out that I can’t handle this alone, I can’t be strong all the time, sometimes I just need a hug to move me over the rough spots. That was this week rough. Now I will pick myself up who ever she is and move forward. I won’t give up and pray to the Lord to help me because I can’t do it alone. Thanks for reading this and sorry it was so long.

Advertisements

Baby it’s cold outside…walking

Man I always wanted to say that, anyway it’s a chilling 37 with a high of 55 today. I will be staying in most the morning drinking my coffee and writing on my blog. Once hubby is up that’s the end of my quiet time, lol  When the kids were little I would steal time as they slept thinking one day I would have time to do all I wanted, funny thought..not true. Now they are grown and hubby has taken their place. Has to be fed, paid attention to and just as needy. I’m so glad! I would be lost without him. but I still have to steal quiet time. lol

I’ve set a goal to walk 20 miles this month, so far I’ve done 6. Yesterday it was so sunny and nice hubby went out with me. As you can see no special running or walking wear, we’re just plan ole farm folks out for a nice walk. I pulled him off working on the wood trailer, so he’s in his bibs and I had changed into my comfy clothes. This is just fine!

20161111_144439-2

My last walking buddy was my daughter

20161109_144313-2

she tries very hard to get me moving. We both now have bikes so biking next year will take over some of my walking, I will say I need a wider, softer seat.lol. As an update on my diabetes I’m doing well, still on meds but I gave myself a year, and that’s ok. I’ve enjoyed and enjoy the fact that this illness has pulled us even closer,who could figure something good from something bad, Oh yes Jesus! I really hope all goes well with you guess I better close as my morning is about shot, it’s almost 5am and I still have work to get done. Talk to everyone later.

Baby steps, with diabetes

One thing I want to talk about is snacks.  I’m allowed 2 snacks, one between my breakfast and the other after my supper around 7pm. The thing is I need systems….workable plans for me. I have to have them, or I won’t do be able to do this. If the snack thing is going to work I need them pre made. They have to be ready for me to grab, ready to throw into my bag to take and have a carb or protein tag ready for me to count. If they don’t then there goes 10 min for me to plan it in, recheck myself and let me say this by the time I do this I’ve already headed out the door, why? I also have to be to work early, at least a ½ hr. if not I panic. Issues lol, so I made pre counted snack bags and containers.

dscn0124

These snack bags, have my pecans, almonds, sun flowerer seeds, raisins, pretzel sticks, crackers, black walnuts, English walnuts, cashews, dried cranberries, dried trial mix. Pumpkin seeds, ready for me to grab. They are in the snack bags that have the amount on them and I have written the carbs, fat or protein so I can use them either in cooking or just eating. Nuts are high in fat. So with my liver I have to watch how and when I use them. These are like donuts to me; I have to use them wisely. I also have clean carrots, celery, broccoli, cauliflower, green onions, lettuce kale, maters and cucumbers ready to eat. This takes care of veggies.

What if I want something with a little more bite? I have to cover that to on this plan because I will grab something; I just need it to be something I should have.  For me I love cheese, so I pair it with grapes and crackers. I buy block cheese, cut off the size chunk I can have (if using for carbs) then use a cheese slicer and slice it thin put it on the cracker and eat them with grapes . With the amount I’m allowed I can eat 12 of these for snack, or add a salad for a nice lunch. Thanks to a friend who got me hooked on these this is my go to.

(if you count my crackers, yes one is missing) lol

dscn0121

 

There’s something else I have to add to my thoughts, water! Diabetic, thirsty, no I can go all day and never take a drink, unless I eat. If you ask my friends who eat with me, my glass has to be filled all the time with water (that’s what I prefer).  I will drink 3-4 glasses at meals. I forget to drink or don’t have the impulse either one.  Hope this gave some ideas. Thanks for your visit.

Bitter sweet

I will be off from work for a couple of weeks hubby is having surgery. His first one was yesterday and another one is Monday. Yesterday went well ,sore but pain pills are keeping him in check. Monday he will be done and keeping him down will be like trying to get a bull to not run a fence with a cow on the other side. I’m very happy to be off but not for this…..so bitter sweet. Been off 2 days and blood suger has dropped  below  200…..I have to change jobs, this was the 3rd time Ive had a 3 or 4 days off and seen it drop. The first day back to work the last 2 and I’m back to over 230 or better……. Yesterday while we were waiting to go into surgery, and hubby was hooked up to meds 3 other people were in the room also waiting to go thur surgery doors, they were having toes remove …all compcations of their diebates. This was an even bigger eye opener.  Shouldn’t because I know it is ranked the 7th leading cause of death. Please don’t think I’m dead and gloom here, I’m not! I’m a fighter, starting a walking program, I am taking care of myself just need a different job.

Now a lighter subjectI’ve been moving plants in for a couple of weeks. Does anyone know how to get the gnats out of the dirt before you bring them in. The first ones I filled a bucket of water big enough to set the pot and all into that had a little dawn dishwashing soap in it, that did pretty well but the other plants are too big to do that to. Any ideas give me a chat.

 

Autumn breezes

          The air felt so good this morning, cool 55 when I got home from work at 12:30 am .  Sleep until 6:30 made coffee and enjoyed my morning. I’m taking the day off from cleaning, I did make a pot of veggie soup, to eat for today and feed the family while I go back in tonight.

dscn0084

For my diabetic friends those are not potatoes they are turnips. lol I did put corn, peas, carrots, celery, onions, garlic, tomatoes, squash, black beans, baby zucchini, pepper, basil, thyme and veggie broth. Simmered 30 minutes and ………yummmmmm.

 

I can’t get through this without showing off our newest granddaughter, Clementine…….so with that I will tell everyone have a great day and enjoy the coolness.

dscn3816

Last night working then 2 days off!

We are having Inventory in the bakery so I have been working over nights to make sure we run as smooth as we can. My long johns are out and ready, thick socks ready and some warm shoes. Most of what I will count will be in the freezers so that means tomorrow when I get up my joints will hurt and I’ll be showing my age, lol. We do this once a month so it isn’t hard just time-consuming.

Looks like our air is going out but that’s ok at least fall is around the corner and the nights are cooler. Lord works in mysterious ways. We will have to save up to get a new one. but that one lasted 12 yrs or so.

Guess I’ll close just a short howdy to let you know I’m alive and that the diabetes isn’t kicking my hind end anymore I’m kicking it best I can……..